Day 2. On not kissing frogs.

Yesterday I was a cranky bitch.  There's no way to soften that. There's no hiding from the truth here. 

I was in a foul mood.  Screeching at the children, and picking fights with my darling Steve.  Although some of my gripes were legitimate, they were fired up by my innate crankiness.  

In fairness I did tell everyone in the morning, and reminded them calmly throughout the day that I was cranky but not a one of them was smart enough to keep his head down and out of the line of fire.  

It was tempting to put this down to not having sugar in my morning coffee, but with 20-20 hindsight and a blazing migraine today, I suspect that I was actually suffering from Prodrome - some thing I used to get with my migraines, but was softened until recently.  The past couple of migraines definitely appear to be preceded by violent mood swings.  Which could be useful  to know as I can instigate medication earlier, and reduce or prevent the pain. 


But back to sugar now.  One of the difficulties on embarking on sugar-free life is  how to explain these changes to a 4 year old.   As a parent I control my children's access to food, and choose what is right for them.   And my youngest has demonstrated to me the addictiveness of sugar from the day he had his first Easter egg.  Which was his first taste of the sweet stuff outside of fruit.  C goes nuts for sugar.  Even before our recent discussions about sugar, he would ask me specifically for sugar. "I want lollies - I want sugar".  He will gorge himself and then ask for more.    We've spoken over the years about sugar being a sometimes food.  He knows its  "not good for you".  We all know that.  We know those lollies and chocolates are not good for us.  But I want him to understand that sugar damages our bodies.  That a muesli bar is more than  "not good for us"  but rather  that a muesli bar hurts us.   

C has just started kindergarten this year.  Instead of birthday cakes, the kids are expected to provide lolly bags for the class.  As parents we can choose whether our child is allowed to take one.  It seems like every week its some kids birthday.   I'm struggling with this, because I don't want him to feel he can't participate in the birthday, or that he is different from everyone else.    Our temporary solution was to say  that he can choose ONE lolly from the bag and the rest go in the bin.   Yesterday, as fate would have it there was a birthday.  And there was a a lolly bag.   C chose his lolly.  And Steve threw the rest of the lollies in the bin.  

Just like that.   

All hell broke loose.  

C started wailing.  

My insides were wailing too.  

I WANTED that Freddo frog.  I wanted to lick that chocolatiness.  Or if not the Freddo, then just one Freckle. 

It was a gut-wrenching physical reaction inside myself. I am amazed I wasn't wailing right along with the 4 year old. It was like I'd  thrown out my first-born.   (My first-born was sitting at his computer watching the second-born scream, with a look of confusion on his face.  All this fuss over a Freddo frog????) 

Pam Young of the Slob Sisters would say that was my tiny inner child screaming.  Maybe she is right.  Pam was written a fantastic book called  "The Mouthtrap - the butt stops here"  where she worked with her inner child "Nellie" to examine their attitude to food. Pam's philosophy towards life is that we can't let our inner child run the show.  But we do need to acknowledge that that childish part of us exists, and find ways to be kind to that part of us.   We all need rewards. We all want what we can't have some of the time.  Sometimes we buy what we can't have just to prove we can and that is letting the inner child take control.    I am a lot like Nellie.  Or  maybe my inner child is.  Certainly my inner 4 year old was in full tilt yesterday. 

I hadn't been tempted when the lolly bag was on the bench.  I hadn't looked at them. Wasn't interested.  But once they were in the bin.  Oh my God.   

I was shocked at this reaction within myself.   I wasn't prepared to feel this way over a Freddo Frog.  

But I was in control.  I didn't fish the Freddo out of the bin.  I didn't go hunting for chocolate elsewhere (I have yet to purge the house of sugar so in theory I could have baked a chocolate cake, or made a hot chocolate). 

Instead I took a deep breath.  And I have moved on.  It only hurts a little bit to think of that frog in my rubbish bin.  

I am looking forward to the day when I can look Freddo in the face and say  "I don't want to kiss you at all." 

Dazed and Confused about Day One

Wow, this has been an interesting day to say the least. I started off by pouring my normal bowl of sultana bran, then I removed all of the sultanas before I added my full cream milk (it felt decadent and naughty but I am told I'll eventually get over that and just enjoy it as my regular milk.)
 
Then the dilemma hit. What in the hell am I going to put in the lunch boxes???  This revelation only hit me at 7.30 this morning, and I admit I struggled. I struggled because I am not organised to know what I can put in the lunches now that all fruit, muesli bars, yogurts and most other prepared snacks, along with my normal range of home baked muffins etc are out of the picture. So a salami and cheese sandwich was coupled by the last three full fat yogurts I had in the fridge and some rice crackers with cheddar cheese. A very starchy lunch, I concur, but it's the best I could do today.
 
Then I left my lunch on the table as I rushed out the door.  Thankfully, Rosie, the lovely canteen lady at our school can whip me up a sandwich or the like and put it on credit for me...so I had a lovely wrap with chicken and veggies (no tomato and no sauces like bbq or sweet chilli, both of which I really enjoy.)  Open up the wrap and realise I have forgotten all about not eating tinned beetroot (or pickled beets as we call them in Canukestan - aka Canada) so next time I will order it sans beetroot...oh and the next time I call into the supermarket I better check the sugar level in wraps too...so much to remember.
 
Then I got out of work late, which forced my walking partner, Sophie, to head off without me. By the time I got home she was just finishing her walk so off I trudged on my own...and managed two laps before sharp shooting pains along the outsides of my calves toppled me to the ground, so I headed home.
 
Then I got ready to cook dinner. Oh FRAG! I forgot to take anything out of the freezer, the kids are circling and I can see them eyeing off the bag of goodies I have packaged up to go to a friend (all the sugary things left in our cupboards.) I hand them each a row of rice crackers, whip up some eggs and toast and voila, dinner is saved!
 
Choosing to look at life as a balance sheet...
On the positive side:

• We didn't eat sugar today
• No one died
• We did exercise...a bit

On the negative side:

• I'm no better organised for lunches tomorrow
• Not feeling the health benefits, but it's only day one
• I did not touch a SINGLE chocolate or biscuit in the staffroom today, even though I was starving.

Goals for tomorrow:

• Don't eat sugar
• Exercise, even if it's just a walk around the oval while on yard duty
• Get 'food' organised
• Don't start every paragraph in my blog post with "Then"

The day before the first day moving forward

I lack the cleverness of Sophie and the humour (and geek humour) which my husband, Douglas possesses, so my part in this whole blog is likely to be rather boring. I also lack the ability to be succinct, so strap yourself in, grab a cuppa and have a read.

Today is Sunday, 28 April 2013. Today I ate 'hip'-loads of lemon sponge cake, laden with lemon syrup and covered with deliciously sweet lemony butter icing. I also ate spoonfuls of crushed pineapple straight from the can and made quite a delectable apple, cherry and pineapple fruit crumble which 9 of us polished off with 4 litres of neopolitan ice cream after dinner.

Tomorrow is Monday, 29 April 2013. There will be no pineapple (my favourite fruit on the planet,) no ice cream, at least not any I don't make myself, no apple crumble, no lemon sponge cake with lemon icing. There will also be no chocolate, no soft drinks, no sugar in my tea, no juice or cordials, no sweet wines. As of midnight, The Hedwacks are sugar free.

I have been reading the book Sweet Poison Quit Plan, by David Gillespie. I had hoped to finish it before we got started, but unfortunately my life tends to be a bit hectic so I am only half way through it. This means I am heading into our sugar free week slightly unprepared, but I am nothing if not flexible. I'm not beating myself up anymore, if I make a sugar mistake this week, life will go on I'm sure.

So today the experiment starts. Will be interesting to see how the Hedwacks go. I am trying hard to manage my own stress, which is high right now. Apparently I can expect the normal signs of  withdrawal from addiction, with headaches and irritability in massive doses at the top of the list. Managing the headaches and irritability of two pre-pubescent and pubescent teens, who are already irritable by nature, and a surly 6 year old should be interesting and challenging...but given they are also excited about going sugar free I can only hope we all survive week one. Will let you know...
  

Gold stars - focusing on the positive and celebrating the small achievements.

I am loving looking at my calendar.   Every day we exercise I give us a gold star. 

My life can be very up and down.  Last week I had several days out of action with a migraine.  When I am well again, I feel very behind.   

So  I am trying very hard to focus on the small achievements that every day brings.  Even on the worst days I can get a few things done.  Last Thursday I even exercised.  I earned my gold star. 

Today is not an exercise day but I have achieved in other ways.  Some day to day cleaning done.  A few "extra" tasks accomplished.   It's another gold star day.  

What I'm coming to realise is that every day can be a gold star day.  Even when I'm sick and not able to do the normal things,  I can still be kind to me, and give myself a star for the things I DO get done.  It might just be making the bed (before climbing back in again).  Or stacking the dishwasher.   Or getting dinner on.  Some days the smallest, simplest things are big achievements and I want to focus on that feeling,  of pride in a task completed, a job done, instead of feeling the guilt of all the things I didn't get done.  When I'm sick I have enough pain to deal with without beating myself up and piling more on.  

We don't give ourselves enough pats on the back.  Or enough gold stars. 

Love 
S xxx

Exercise and getting fit for (non) fun and (non) profit.

People say that my job is essentially a sedentary one, and most day's I'd be happy to agree with them.  Today (and yesterday) I am placing the notion of me remaining as still as possible under the heading of "Essential for Survival", and not "Chief Cause of Being Lazy, Slow-Moving and Fat".

The whole idea of me and exercise is a compound that should never be allowed to happen under any circumstances, much like Azidoazide Azide.  I've been there before, on more than one occasion, and it sucked.  Will someone please let me know why I do this to myself?

The chief difference between Evil Compound #1 (me and exercise), and Evil Compound #2 (carbon and nitrogen) is that the second will try to violently and comprehensively destroy the surrounding environment at the slightest bump or similar mistreatment while the first comprehensively and painfully destroys itself at the slightest bump or mistreatment.  All things considered I'm much more in favour of Evil Compound #2 - I don't have to be anywhere near it when it happens...

Waking up at the moment is a case of getting to my feet after climbing up from my bed and suddenly discovering (again) that I have shins, and that they really hate me.  All the good work that Sifrol does for me in helping me to make up in a fit and alert state of mind first thing in the morning is completely undone by the terror of actually standing that keeps me in bed, cowering in fear under the oppressive weight of doona and Cat'thulhu....

Being kind to me

Throughout this period of change, I am trying to keep in mind the important principle put forth by the ever-wise FlyLady

"Be kind to yourself" 

Making changes in your life is hard, and it's all too easy to beat yourself up when things don't go to plan.  I know from my past experiences that its easy to get a run of negative thoughts through my head, and to focus on what I haven't done.  

This is especially true on days like today where I am coming out of a 2 day migraine, the house is a wreck, and things feel overwhelming.

Being kind to me, is giving myself a break.  Its focusing on the good things.  The things I have achieved.   Its about breaking tasks down so they are not overwhelming.   Its about giving myself little treats.

Yesterday my latest make-up order arrived.  I was a little bit naughty and celebrated getting my tax done by taking advantage of a sale by https://www.mirenesse.com/.   I love their products -  the mineral powder, the best mascara on the planet, and lip glosses that actually suit me.  The packaging is beautiful.  The products smell beautiful.  It feels decadent and a little bit naughty to get all pretty when I'm doing nothing special.

Today with my fuzzy post-migraine head, one way to be nice to me is to do my face.   I have found that a bit of mascara and lippy make me feel good.  I catch sight of myself in the mirror and think "Actually, you are not too bad, chicky.  In fact, you might even be pretty.  Verging on HOT".   It helps me get rid of that nasty, negative voice, and energises me.

I don't wear make-up every day.  But I think perhaps I might start.  Just for me.  As one small way to be kind to me.

It can't be morning already...

This morning is definitely not a "YAY ITS MORNING, UP AND AT 'EM, GO GET 'EM, RAH RAH RAH"  morning.   Its more a "Drag myself out of bed, suck on my coffee like its the blood of the saviour, cringe at the kid-noise, and  limp around the house" morning. 

It's the first day of  Term 2 for the boys.  T managed to be organised enough to shower, but not to wear correct uniform (long pants I lovingly altered to lengthen the hem last night).   He was in too much of a rush to change when I pointed out he was not supposed to be wearing shorts. 

C can't find his bottom.  And Chirpy the alarm clock is being chirpy. 

But I am up, showered, dressed to shoes.  The washing machine is on and the bed is made.  But we are not chirpy.  Oh no we are not.  

Part of my planning session with Jen included getting on top of the housework.   Given that I am home this means 2 things. 

1. I have time to clean my house 
2. I am home with C to make mess in the house

I have discovered that I need to have regularly timed  "tidy up sessions" 3 times a day to stay on top of the toys and whatever else mess we create.   On days where we don't do this, CHAOS rules.  

Jen and I decided to focus on one room each week and to then show each other the results of our efforts.  Last week was the master bedroom.    

I cleaned out  my lingerie draw.  

That was my sole achievement.  

I think this week we will stay in the master bedroom.    And I hope to make a bit more progress.  

So today, being Monday I have a few things on my To Do list 

1. Remember whatever it was I was going to make for dinner tonight
2. Get C to kindy on time
3. Home Blessing hour (see http://www.flylady.net) 
4. Spend 15 minutes in the Master Bedroom 
5. Today is one of our 3 exercise days. 
6. Call mum to give her IT support 

That should be achievable, right?  

Babysteps.  Especially on mornings like today.  

Love S

xxx

Getting it off my chest...

You know what?  I have something to get off my chest (and no its not my sizable bazoongas!). 

I'm afraid.  

Afraid I can't do this 20 minutes of exercise a day, three days a week.  

Afraid I can't make it a normal, everyday part of life. 

Afraid of a life without chocolate.  

Afraid to stand on the scales. 

I keep trying to tell myself I can be strong.  I can make choices. I can be in control.  I can have those tough conversations with myself.  

I don't want to let Jen down.   I don't want to let myself down.  

I want Steve and the kids to be proud of me.  I want my mum to be proud of me.  

I want to be proud of me.  

Week 1

This week Jennie and I sat down and talked.  We pulled out the butchers paper and textas.  We had a look at what our strengths are.  We looked at the things we liked and didn't like in our lives.   We prioritised.  We set goals.  And we decided upon actions.

We made commitments to each other,  and wrote down specifics on our calendars.  

This weekend it has all started.

Yesterday we did a fitness test and recorded our baselines for a 1 km run (walk), sit ups, push ups, and stretches.  FOr me  I knew my results would be low.   I wasn't prepared for how low.  And for how that would make me feel.   It feels crap.

But...  after our 10am exercise session I felt good.  And I felt good all day.  I was excited about our planned Double Date Night.  But I don't think it was just that making me feel so good.  


We also had our first double date in a long long time.  We piled the kids into one house.   We got dressed up   (although Jennie was a prude insisted she would not wear Clitter - but used sparkly eyeshadow instead).
We had a 3 course meal. The carrot and parsnip soup worked beautifully dividing orange and white down the bowl.   The crockpot chicken curry was good.  And the lemon custard cakes for dessert were truly divine.

We played the Logo Game, Scattegories and  The Simpson's board game.

We laughed.

And we connected.  As friends, as couples.

Isn't that what life is about?

Love
S
xxx

Introducing the Hedwacks

We are the Hedwacks.  Two families, best friends, and we live on the same street 4 houses apart.   We have been best friends for 15 years, and  in 2011, following a terrible storm,  our two families (4 adults, 5 sons, 4 cats and a dog) lived together for 4 months, bonded, blended and became one.

We are the Hedwacks.

Family J

• Spouse 1  -  Doug, and his inner Lemming
• Spouse 4  - Jennie - the inexorable Force of Nuture
• BoyChild 1 - G
• BoyChild 3 - N
• BoyChild 4 - O

Family E

• Spouse 2  - Steve 
• Spouse 3 - Sophie 
• BoyChild 2 - T
• Boychild 5 - C

This year we are wanting to make some changes in our lives.  We want to be:

• more active
• enjoy our children and our families,
•  organise our lives and homes, and 
• improve our health. 

To achieve these goals we are 

• starting an exercise program loosely based on the Couch to 5 K running program. 
• quitting sugar  (fructose). 
• planning family nights, Hedwack days (where we take the kids out) and date nights -  some joint and some with just our own families, to nuture our relationships. 

These are our adventures,  brought to you by Sophie and Jennie.  

Stay Happy. 

S

xx