Ups and downs.

Well here we are, into our 4th week, sugar free.  

On the up side

• I have found a cordial sweetened with stevia to keep the boys happy
• We had chocolate cake out at a birthday lunch.  1 slice between 6 of us, and no one liked it except for my sugar-addicted 4 year old 
• i've been offered some casual work with my previous employer
• i've finally arranged to catch up with an old friend  -  catching up with people was on my personal plan

On the down side

• exercise has slackened off this week between weather and migraines
• i'm still not getting to bed on time 
• the 4-year old talks about sugar constantly.  How much he loves lollies.  How much he loves birthday cakes.   However he is accepting when I tell him no. 

Focus points for the next week 

• Bedtime routine 
• Exercise 

Testing testing, 1-2-3...end of week 3 and I some tests are complete

Wow, what an interesting I Quit Sugar weekend.  So this weekend my gorgeous, and generous friend, Neish, took me away for a kid free weekend to her family cabin on the Murray River so that I could complete my school reports in peace and quiet.

Temptations this weekend were going to include:

• Drinking tea as my hot beverage in a cold cabin.
• Drinking tea with sugar as I forgot my Equal tablets at home (apologies for the blatant product placement but they are the only sweetener tablets that don't make me want to claw my eyes out because of the aftertaste)
• The best juice on the planet is available at the local grocery store
• Drinking wine
• I tend to munch out on sugary treats as well as chips and the like while I am working for long periods
• I get stressed and crave sugar

OK. So I drank tea with half a teaspoon of sugar and found it surprisingly sweet. Considering three weeks ago I took my last cup of tea with 2 heaped teaspoons of sugar this is pretty good. I arrived home to a fresh cup of tea, and found one sweetener tablet is now too sweet.

I avoided sugary snacks and drinks all weekend, probably because I had some Vitamin Neisha to keep me grounded and of course, two good movies to keep me occupied. I highly recommend What to Expect When You're Expecting and Rock of Ages (as long as you can manage to keep down the vomit every time you are faced with a rock'n'roll God that is NOT, Tom Cruise.)

I ate a mandarin on Saturday and it was quite sweet. The big surprise was when I arrived home and put them in the fruit bowl the kids (all three of them) took a mandarin to eat as a snack. All three of them commented on how sweet they were...almost to the point of  them not being able to eat them.

I am back to walking this week, after a bit of a break last week because of a sore knee and no interest based on how tired I was from my week of work...exhausting was more like it.  This week I am writing report comments so it's going to be another hell week.

I also read I Quit Sugar, by Sarah Wilson. I found her book to be very conversational, and very short. David Gillespie's, Sweet Poison Quit Plan was far more involved and contained far more information, but Sarah's book raised some great points, and made me feel like I wasn't a sugar pariah by having half a teaspoon in my tea.  I recommend both books.

Anyway, it's now late on Sunday. I apologise for the lack of panache my writing stylings usually produce, but I am tired and I have been staring at children's writing and math all weekend, so now it's bed time for me. More sugar free updates soon, I promise.

Halfway through Week 3

Well here we are, Wednesday of Week 3, and no blog post.

Partly thats been because the past week has been rather hellish  with lots of migraines, so I don't have a lot to report other than I am still sugar free.

I've also being trying to give up coffee on the recommendation of my TCM acupuncturist.

I did manage to do a bit of walking in spite of the headaches last week, but so far this week illness and the cold weather have kept me inside.  Think I might see if Jen wants to hook up the Wii tonight.

Migraines suck

The past few days have been really hard. 

It started on Monday when I stopped by the supermarket after dropping C at kindy. The sugar cravings hit me in a way they hadn't for days.  I was strong and bought myself some pate and rye bread instead of the chocolate I was aching for.  

I concluded that supermarket shopping at lunch time was perhaps not too smart. 

Then I got in the car.   And had trouble driving home.   I kept forgetting to turn the indicator off after changing lanes.  I couldn't focus.  By the time I was half way home I was freaking out. 

It was a weird beginning to a migraine that has lasted 2 days.  Steve left home early to collect C.   I got T to help me with dinner  - savingdinner.com's pizza cups, and had everything ready for T and Steve to eat before taking T to his first night at Cadets.  

Yesterday I was still unwell.  I have some small achievements 

• I did my morning routine done (slowly) 
• I baked some ham and cheese frittatas.  
• I made an amazing roasted capsicum, mushroom and spinach pasta (again from Saving Dinner)  where I roasted the capsicums myself.  
• I drank 2 litres of water. 
• I did my yoga twice (once in the morning, once before bed).

But 

• I haven't walked for 2 days.  
• I haven't done my house blessing 
• I haven't worked in the spare room.   
• the kids got less of my time, and the short end of my temper. 

This morning the pain has gone but I'm still nauseous and spacey and not quite right. 

I didn't shower and dress when I got up, so when the dog started barking like a maniac I emerged outside in my pink poodle pj's to discuss some work with the gardener.  At least  The gardener doesn't appear to judge me.  

Now I need to pull myself together and get my day happening.   

Heading into week two, sidelined by injuries

Alice in Wonderland fell down a rabbit hole into a world of  strange imaginings...my fall into a rabbit hole wasn't filled with as many imaginings as I would have liked...maybe I need more 'sugar free' life in order to lose enough weight to fit into the rabbit hole, so for now, the rabbit hole has only caused a twisted knee...and there you have it people...sidelined for two days...no walking allowed.  This depresses me because I was looking forward to my nightly walk...despite the feeling that someone is ramming metal poles directly down the length of my shin bones, from the inside. But it's not all doom and gloom.

Today is Day One of Week Two of no sugar and I am proud to say I am not finding it too difficult so far. Here's my practical upshot.

Reflections:

• I had a constant, low-grade headache all week last week, but it's hard to tell if this was caused by sugar or the stress of my school kids (I am a year 3/4 teacher and have a particularly difficult class)
• I was quite short tempered last week, but again, not sure if that was sugar or the stress of my class, or the fact the my own children can't seem to go without arguing for five minutes at a time
• Lunch boxes were hard to fill last week without fruit and muesli bars but this week we have carrots and cucumbers and hommus.
• I have lost 3 kilos.
• We survived the first birthday in our no sugar world. Pizza for lunch, candles in the happy faced pancakes served with a few raspberries, sans maple syrup, no cake.
• N (11yo) and G (13yo) are totally on board (Nathan having forgone cordial and lollies and chocolate at the break during his select entry testing and Graeme having declined to eat the dessert he cooked in his cooking class at school, instead opting for extra veggies)
• O is sick and tired of this crap. ANd here I relay our conversation on Friday after school

"O, we're going to meet Sonya at the Plaza, you can have a Macdonald's snack if you like."
"Can I have ice cream?"
"Sorry Bud, ice cream is full of sugar."
"Oh. Can I have a flurry?"
"Sorry Bud, that's ice cream too, but you can have nuggets and chips and a Coke Zero."
"Ok, thanks Mum."
Fast forward an hour or so and we are in the Reject Shop buying kitty litter. O picks up a bag of those pressed apricot fruit bars and looks at me expectantly. He sees the look on my face and in his best sarcastic voice, complete with rolling eyes and all the attitude a 7-year old can muster says "Oh, let me guess, too much sugar. This sugar thing is so stupid, I'm sick of it" and then he throws the apricot bars back onto their display and stomps out to the benches outside the store.

Challenges last week were:

• Filling the lunch boxes
• Not ordering my favourite Chinese food along with the Lemon iced tea I would normally drink with it
• Getting through the sugar free birthday party.

Onward and upward as they say. This will be a particularly challenging time for me because we are in report writing phase at school and that's always stressful for all teachers, especially at a school where they insist on individualised report cards for every single student.

Goals for this week include:

• Do not eat sugar (so far so good, though I did have a tea with Equal tonight)
• Go to bed by 10.30 (failed as of Monday/today)
• Do one hour of school work each night (failed tonight)
• DO Yoga each night (failed tonight as well)
• Go for a walk every night (failed tonight)
• Stop writing 'failed tonight' as of tomorrow (except on the walking thing...doctor's orders)

End of Week One - Reflections

Today is the end of Week One without sugar.  

Overview

On the whole, it has been easier quitting sugar than I thought it would be.   Things have gone smoothly except for the chocolate frog incident and yesterday at the shopping centre where I bought sushi for lunch and was  dying for a peach ice tea to go with it.  I didn't get iced tea. 

I have got used to my morning coffee being sugarless.   A slurp of Coke Zero on Thursday tasted sickly and horrible.  

I survived a migraine on Tuesday without Tim Tams.   Miracle. 

Observations

• The first few days I was very nibbly.  A vague hungry feeling, and all I wanted to do was eat. 
• By Saturday that nibbly feeling was gone 
• I MUST eat breakfast.  It seems that teaspoon of sugar in my morning coffee was giving me just enough energy to get through to lunchtime.  I cannot get through to lunchtime without breakfast now without feeling ill.  
• I have increased my vegetable intake - eating carrot, celery and cucumber with a bit of hummus for morning and afternoon tea.  
• I have discovered Vital Rooibos Vanilla tea is a good substitute for hot chocolate and has NO SUGAR!  
• I am eating too much cheese.  
• I want to do exercise every day.  I am enjoying my walking and feel better having done it.  The non-exercise days have not felt good, so when I realised that, I fixed the problem by heading out for a walk. 
• Building better structure into my day has been a good thing.  Feeling more together, and productive and can finish the day knowing I got some stuff done.  And that feels good 
• Doing my yoga has been great.  Sleeping much better (although still getting to bed too late). 
• Acupuncture rocks.  First session yesterday and today my puffy sinus face is better, my nose actually runs and I have not even the vaguest niggling headache this morning.  I never feel like this. 

Goals for Week 2

• Exercise every day and ramp up the speed a bit.  Start using Runkeeper to keep tabs on how I am going day to day 
• Incorporate some weights and resistance training into my exercise. 
• Continue with my Daily Plan so I  build my routines and get stuff done every day
• Bake some sugar free snack foods, and reduce my reliance on biscuits and cheese.  
• Increase my water intake  - use my Waterlogger app properly. 

Why does everything good for me make me leak?

I did some great stuff for me today, and well, OK, this isn't the most pleasant of posts, but I think it goes without saying that I am rarely appropriate. I will try to word this delicately for those with weak stomachs.

The one thing I am doing well right now that I can think of is I am sugar free for 6 days now and other than a low grade headache for the past 5 days and an overwhelming urge to have a Lemon Iced Tea today (which I didn't) I haven't really noticed the lack of sugar in my diet. We have also made a Hedwack decision to exercise every night. This way if we have to miss a day for whatever reason we are only missing 1/7 workouts instead of 3/7 and don't need to try to make a plan to find time to run the missed session.

I am so proud of G and T tonight. G did a 'real' workout instead of the usual mamby pamby stroll around the park, making excuses to not walk, like my feet hurt or I hurt my shoulder and the time he spends trying to chat with Sophie and me instead of walking at a pace more appropriate for his body type and fitness levels...so what if his motivation was from Sophie and her clever "I'll give you a dollar for every time you lap me."

T did something so completely T style, and it's one of the things I love about him. He wants to make a running plan to keep him focussed, set goals and monitor progress. He gets this planning thing from his awesome mother, who is very good at goal setting and has taught/encouraged him well.

Now on to my dilemma. today I treated myself to a massage...well, treated isn't exactly the right word. We were in the shops, my shoulder is sore, I had a massage, and the leakage started...my nose started dripping. All of a sudden. like in a 10 second span of time, my nose got blocked up and then started dripping...nothing more annoying than a dripping nose during a massage...except for what happens when I have been walking.

I am also drinking more water...you don't have to be a genius to know what kind of leaking that causes...and this is coming from a teacher who has to time her breaks...so far I have made it, but I have to remember to go at every opportunity.

Every single night I have been walking, by the fourth lap of the park I gotz to go poops. I guess that it's a good thing...I'm still regular after cutting sugar, which can be a problem because of the amount of fruit you cut out, but man the walking gets me going.

Ok, so gross part over.  Synopsis of the week gone by. No sugar, no biggie...so far. Let's see what report writing for the next 6 weeks does to me.

Time to face reality.

I'm a bit hesitant about posting this here.   I thought about slinking back to my abandoned livejournal or diaryland blogs, so that I could get my thoughts down and clear, but not feel so exposed.  Even though as far as I know,  only Jennie is reading here.  My old blogs are so old and abandoned no one on the planet would notice if I updated.  

But this is supposed to be about honesty. 

I'm really struggling this week.   I've been struggling for a while.   I'm emotional and fragile and down.   My routines are slipping by the wayside so today its 12.47 pm and both Charlie and I are in our pyjamas.   I have run the dishwasher and the washing machine, but that is the sum total of my achievements today. 

Part of the problem has been my irregular sleeping.  Since October or so last year I've had issues with insomnia, and when I have a migraine that lays me flat for 24 hours I get total day night reversal.     

Every night I promise I will start anew and be in bed by 10pm, with a goal of being asleep by 10.30.  Every night Steve and I foof around till suddenly its 11.30 and I'm lucky to be in bed by 12, and asleep by 1. Or 2.  Or 3.  

FACT 1: I've never been a morning person.  
FACT 2: I've always needed a regular 8 hours to function.  
FACT 3: When I go to sleep and 12,  or 1, or 2, or 3,   getting up at 6.30am with the family is not going to happen. 

I am also having to come to grips with FACT 4.    When I go to sleep and 12,  or 1, or 2, or 3  I drag myself out of bed as early as I can (anywhere between 7am and 9.30am) and then spend the day foofing around in my pyjamas because I'm tired.  And this makes me feel 

a) like I've achieved nothing 
b) that I'm a useless piece of nothing

And before I know it its one downward spiral of negative thoughts and feelings, and depression is beckoning. 

In the past, I have dealt with occasional insomnia by  getting strict with my bed time routine.  A bath. A cup of hot chocolate.  A good book.  A set bedtime of 10 pm.  A strict wake-up time of 6.30am. 

I had a chat with Steve last night, and this time around I am going to replace the hot chocolate and book with  30 minutes of  Yoga Nidra.  I discovered yoga nidra when I was sick and in hospital with a 4-week long migraine.   I have let my yoga practice slide lately so I think this will be good to help reset my sleeping patterns.  

The other thing I am going to do is write down my morning routine on a post-it note (I think the pink loveheart ones to make me smile).   

Currently my morning looks something like this 

• wake up around 7.50am to the sound of kids screaming and/or the screen door slamming as T leaves for school
• drag myself out of bed and outside for a cigarette
• go to the loo
• kiss steve goodbye
• go to the kitchen and flick the kettle
• have another cigarette
• drink my coffee at the computer 
• look at the clock and realise its 9 am 
• reload the dishwasher and tidy the kitchen
• have a shower, dress and stick my make-up on (on a bad day we skip this step) 
• swish and swipe the ensuite bathroom (some days) 
• scoop the cat litter (some days)
• put on a load of washing
• have another cigarette
• try and figure out what else I'm going to tackle today now its 10.00am 

I think my morning should look more like this: 

• wake up around 6.30am 
• go to the loo
• have a shower, dress and stick my make-up on
• swish and swipe the ensuite bathroom
• go to the kitchen and flick the kettle (it being no later than 6.45 at this point) 
• have cigarette  (yes, yes I know this step has to go, but first I have to stop it being my first waking thought ok??) 
• make kids breakfast and lunches 
• drink coffee and eat breakfast myself
• kiss T goodbye 
• kiss steve goodbye (its 8.00am by this point) 
• reload the dishwasher and tidy the kitchen
• scoop the cat litter 
• put on a load of washing
• have another cigarette
• have a plan so I know what I'm going to do today (its 9.00am and time to have some fun!) 

This list looks long but its not really.   It 3 stages 


Bedroom Bathroom wake up. 

• wake up around 6.30am 
• go to the loo
• have a shower, dress and stick my make-up on
• swish and swipe the ensuite bathroom

Kitchen / Lounge room 

• go to the kitchen and flick the kettle (it being no later than 6.45 at this point) 
• have cigarette  (yes, yes I know this step has to go, but first I have to stop it being my first waking thought ok??) 
• make kids breakfast and lunches 
• drink coffee and eat breakfast myself
• kiss T goodbye 
• kiss steve goodbye (its 8.00am by this point) 

Do the daily jobs 

• reload the dishwasher and tidy the kitchen
• scoop the cat litter 
• put on a load of washing
• have another cigarette  (note here  how I use my smoking as a reward?  I need a new reward.) 

The tricky bit will be the last point.   

• have a plan so I know what I'm going to do today (its 9.00am and time to have some fun!) 

To achieve this I need to have my plan ready to go.   When I first started work in my first real job,  I was part time, 2 days a week and they were not consecutive days.  Between one work day and the nex I would forget what I was up to in my work.  I had a chat with a colleague about it   one day, and he told me at the end of each day he makes a bit of a list of what needs to be done next.   Simple.  Elegant. Logical.  It was one of those  "Why the hell did I never think of that?"  moments.  I have done that every day at work since.  

Here is another "Why the hell did I never think of that?"  moment.  I don't do this at home.  WHY NOT? It was my key to being productive at work.  Why has it never occured to be to sit down in the evenings and PLAN TOMORROW?   To look at the calendar and say 

"ok,  C has kindy,  I have a Dr's appt and 2 and the floors need vacuuming?" 

Or 

"C is at home and I want to make him an  Alphabet Car Park that I found on Pinterest,  the weather is good so lets wash the towels, and I need to bake some sugar-free savoury breakfast muffins."   

Even though my mother has told me I need to build structure into my day as a stay at home mum I have never taken that idea and applied it consistently at home.   I make lists of things to do - on the day I intend to do them  (usually figured out at 10.am dot point on the current routine).  

Cue Dr Phil.  How's that working for you?

Me:. Its not.  

So here's the plan.  Do the new  morning routine.  And do the New bed-time routine 

• plan for tomorrow 
• bath
• choose clothes for tomorrow
• yoga
• lights out by 10.30pm 

We'll see how that goes.   FlyLady and my mother can't both be wrong. 

EDIT:  FlyLady is also right when she says  "Jump in where you are" and that starting your  morning routine at anytime of day will get the day back on track! 

Thank You Jennables!

I've had a crap few days. 

A migraine yesterday and today either  a left over bits of migraine hanging around or sugar withdrawal headache.  Who knows? 

Its been 3 whole days and no sugar.  I have decided I like my coffee with no sugar.  Really. 

But I haven't managed to get moving today.  I put on my make-up, cleaned the kitchen and did a load of washing, and flaked out about the house. 

I was feeling pretty down by the time Steve got home and we had dinner (a chicken stir fry with soy sauce and basil).  

So I decided maybe a walk would cheer me up.  

I put on my shoes and went down to Jennie's and said "Wanna come for a walk with me?" 

She looked at me like I had grown another head.  Or three.  

"NO." 

Oh. 

"I've spent 4 hours walking the Geelong Foreshore in the freezing cold and  rain herding a bunch of kids around.  I hurt all over.  I don't want to fo for a walk with you.  I am not doing anything tonight". 

Oh. 

But she is a trooper, my Jen.   She picked herself up and booted herself out the door. 

"We're not walking fast.  Just a stroll in the fresh air.  Just one lap." she said. 

We did 4 laps at not much slower than we usually do. 

And I came home feeling human again. 

Best friends are just the best. 

Really. 

And we get another gold star on the calendar :)