Ups and downs.

Well here we are, into our 4th week, sugar free.  

On the up side

• I have found a cordial sweetened with stevia to keep the boys happy
• We had chocolate cake out at a birthday lunch.  1 slice between 6 of us, and no one liked it except for my sugar-addicted 4 year old 
• i've been offered some casual work with my previous employer
• i've finally arranged to catch up with an old friend  -  catching up with people was on my personal plan

On the down side

• exercise has slackened off this week between weather and migraines
• i'm still not getting to bed on time 
• the 4-year old talks about sugar constantly.  How much he loves lollies.  How much he loves birthday cakes.   However he is accepting when I tell him no. 

Focus points for the next week 

• Bedtime routine 
• Exercise 

Halfway through Week 3

Well here we are, Wednesday of Week 3, and no blog post.

Partly thats been because the past week has been rather hellish  with lots of migraines, so I don't have a lot to report other than I am still sugar free.

I've also being trying to give up coffee on the recommendation of my TCM acupuncturist.

I did manage to do a bit of walking in spite of the headaches last week, but so far this week illness and the cold weather have kept me inside.  Think I might see if Jen wants to hook up the Wii tonight.

Migraines suck

The past few days have been really hard. 

It started on Monday when I stopped by the supermarket after dropping C at kindy. The sugar cravings hit me in a way they hadn't for days.  I was strong and bought myself some pate and rye bread instead of the chocolate I was aching for.  

I concluded that supermarket shopping at lunch time was perhaps not too smart. 

Then I got in the car.   And had trouble driving home.   I kept forgetting to turn the indicator off after changing lanes.  I couldn't focus.  By the time I was half way home I was freaking out. 

It was a weird beginning to a migraine that has lasted 2 days.  Steve left home early to collect C.   I got T to help me with dinner  - savingdinner.com's pizza cups, and had everything ready for T and Steve to eat before taking T to his first night at Cadets.  

Yesterday I was still unwell.  I have some small achievements 

• I did my morning routine done (slowly) 
• I baked some ham and cheese frittatas.  
• I made an amazing roasted capsicum, mushroom and spinach pasta (again from Saving Dinner)  where I roasted the capsicums myself.  
• I drank 2 litres of water. 
• I did my yoga twice (once in the morning, once before bed).

But 

• I haven't walked for 2 days.  
• I haven't done my house blessing 
• I haven't worked in the spare room.   
• the kids got less of my time, and the short end of my temper. 

This morning the pain has gone but I'm still nauseous and spacey and not quite right. 

I didn't shower and dress when I got up, so when the dog started barking like a maniac I emerged outside in my pink poodle pj's to discuss some work with the gardener.  At least  The gardener doesn't appear to judge me.  

Now I need to pull myself together and get my day happening.   

Thank You Jennables!

I've had a crap few days. 

A migraine yesterday and today either  a left over bits of migraine hanging around or sugar withdrawal headache.  Who knows? 

Its been 3 whole days and no sugar.  I have decided I like my coffee with no sugar.  Really. 

But I haven't managed to get moving today.  I put on my make-up, cleaned the kitchen and did a load of washing, and flaked out about the house. 

I was feeling pretty down by the time Steve got home and we had dinner (a chicken stir fry with soy sauce and basil).  

So I decided maybe a walk would cheer me up.  

I put on my shoes and went down to Jennie's and said "Wanna come for a walk with me?" 

She looked at me like I had grown another head.  Or three.  

"NO." 

Oh. 

"I've spent 4 hours walking the Geelong Foreshore in the freezing cold and  rain herding a bunch of kids around.  I hurt all over.  I don't want to fo for a walk with you.  I am not doing anything tonight". 

Oh. 

But she is a trooper, my Jen.   She picked herself up and booted herself out the door. 

"We're not walking fast.  Just a stroll in the fresh air.  Just one lap." she said. 

We did 4 laps at not much slower than we usually do. 

And I came home feeling human again. 

Best friends are just the best. 

Really. 

And we get another gold star on the calendar :) 

Day 2. On not kissing frogs.

Yesterday I was a cranky bitch.  There's no way to soften that. There's no hiding from the truth here. 

I was in a foul mood.  Screeching at the children, and picking fights with my darling Steve.  Although some of my gripes were legitimate, they were fired up by my innate crankiness.  

In fairness I did tell everyone in the morning, and reminded them calmly throughout the day that I was cranky but not a one of them was smart enough to keep his head down and out of the line of fire.  

It was tempting to put this down to not having sugar in my morning coffee, but with 20-20 hindsight and a blazing migraine today, I suspect that I was actually suffering from Prodrome - some thing I used to get with my migraines, but was softened until recently.  The past couple of migraines definitely appear to be preceded by violent mood swings.  Which could be useful  to know as I can instigate medication earlier, and reduce or prevent the pain. 


But back to sugar now.  One of the difficulties on embarking on sugar-free life is  how to explain these changes to a 4 year old.   As a parent I control my children's access to food, and choose what is right for them.   And my youngest has demonstrated to me the addictiveness of sugar from the day he had his first Easter egg.  Which was his first taste of the sweet stuff outside of fruit.  C goes nuts for sugar.  Even before our recent discussions about sugar, he would ask me specifically for sugar. "I want lollies - I want sugar".  He will gorge himself and then ask for more.    We've spoken over the years about sugar being a sometimes food.  He knows its  "not good for you".  We all know that.  We know those lollies and chocolates are not good for us.  But I want him to understand that sugar damages our bodies.  That a muesli bar is more than  "not good for us"  but rather  that a muesli bar hurts us.   

C has just started kindergarten this year.  Instead of birthday cakes, the kids are expected to provide lolly bags for the class.  As parents we can choose whether our child is allowed to take one.  It seems like every week its some kids birthday.   I'm struggling with this, because I don't want him to feel he can't participate in the birthday, or that he is different from everyone else.    Our temporary solution was to say  that he can choose ONE lolly from the bag and the rest go in the bin.   Yesterday, as fate would have it there was a birthday.  And there was a a lolly bag.   C chose his lolly.  And Steve threw the rest of the lollies in the bin.  

Just like that.   

All hell broke loose.  

C started wailing.  

My insides were wailing too.  

I WANTED that Freddo frog.  I wanted to lick that chocolatiness.  Or if not the Freddo, then just one Freckle. 

It was a gut-wrenching physical reaction inside myself. I am amazed I wasn't wailing right along with the 4 year old. It was like I'd  thrown out my first-born.   (My first-born was sitting at his computer watching the second-born scream, with a look of confusion on his face.  All this fuss over a Freddo frog????) 

Pam Young of the Slob Sisters would say that was my tiny inner child screaming.  Maybe she is right.  Pam was written a fantastic book called  "The Mouthtrap - the butt stops here"  where she worked with her inner child "Nellie" to examine their attitude to food. Pam's philosophy towards life is that we can't let our inner child run the show.  But we do need to acknowledge that that childish part of us exists, and find ways to be kind to that part of us.   We all need rewards. We all want what we can't have some of the time.  Sometimes we buy what we can't have just to prove we can and that is letting the inner child take control.    I am a lot like Nellie.  Or  maybe my inner child is.  Certainly my inner 4 year old was in full tilt yesterday. 

I hadn't been tempted when the lolly bag was on the bench.  I hadn't looked at them. Wasn't interested.  But once they were in the bin.  Oh my God.   

I was shocked at this reaction within myself.   I wasn't prepared to feel this way over a Freddo Frog.  

But I was in control.  I didn't fish the Freddo out of the bin.  I didn't go hunting for chocolate elsewhere (I have yet to purge the house of sugar so in theory I could have baked a chocolate cake, or made a hot chocolate). 

Instead I took a deep breath.  And I have moved on.  It only hurts a little bit to think of that frog in my rubbish bin.  

I am looking forward to the day when I can look Freddo in the face and say  "I don't want to kiss you at all." 

Gold stars - focusing on the positive and celebrating the small achievements.

I am loving looking at my calendar.   Every day we exercise I give us a gold star. 

My life can be very up and down.  Last week I had several days out of action with a migraine.  When I am well again, I feel very behind.   

So  I am trying very hard to focus on the small achievements that every day brings.  Even on the worst days I can get a few things done.  Last Thursday I even exercised.  I earned my gold star. 

Today is not an exercise day but I have achieved in other ways.  Some day to day cleaning done.  A few "extra" tasks accomplished.   It's another gold star day.  

What I'm coming to realise is that every day can be a gold star day.  Even when I'm sick and not able to do the normal things,  I can still be kind to me, and give myself a star for the things I DO get done.  It might just be making the bed (before climbing back in again).  Or stacking the dishwasher.   Or getting dinner on.  Some days the smallest, simplest things are big achievements and I want to focus on that feeling,  of pride in a task completed, a job done, instead of feeling the guilt of all the things I didn't get done.  When I'm sick I have enough pain to deal with without beating myself up and piling more on.  

We don't give ourselves enough pats on the back.  Or enough gold stars. 

Love 
S xxx

Being kind to me

Throughout this period of change, I am trying to keep in mind the important principle put forth by the ever-wise FlyLady

"Be kind to yourself" 

Making changes in your life is hard, and it's all too easy to beat yourself up when things don't go to plan.  I know from my past experiences that its easy to get a run of negative thoughts through my head, and to focus on what I haven't done.  

This is especially true on days like today where I am coming out of a 2 day migraine, the house is a wreck, and things feel overwhelming.

Being kind to me, is giving myself a break.  Its focusing on the good things.  The things I have achieved.   Its about breaking tasks down so they are not overwhelming.   Its about giving myself little treats.

Yesterday my latest make-up order arrived.  I was a little bit naughty and celebrated getting my tax done by taking advantage of a sale by https://www.mirenesse.com/.   I love their products -  the mineral powder, the best mascara on the planet, and lip glosses that actually suit me.  The packaging is beautiful.  The products smell beautiful.  It feels decadent and a little bit naughty to get all pretty when I'm doing nothing special.

Today with my fuzzy post-migraine head, one way to be nice to me is to do my face.   I have found that a bit of mascara and lippy make me feel good.  I catch sight of myself in the mirror and think "Actually, you are not too bad, chicky.  In fact, you might even be pretty.  Verging on HOT".   It helps me get rid of that nasty, negative voice, and energises me.

I don't wear make-up every day.  But I think perhaps I might start.  Just for me.  As one small way to be kind to me.